Ode to Snickers

We had to put down Snickers, our dog of 15 years, yesterday. Wow, was it harder than I expected. Yes, the head says its the right thing to do, BUT then there's the heart!!! The heart screams, "No". I find myself asking why...why is it so hard to say goodbye other than the obvious! Part of me thinks its the moral dilemma of saying "ok" to death. Part of me feels the loss and separation. The mind can rationalize all it wants but the heart must speak for complete healing or we are only half living. I know with God healing more of my heart in recent years, there is increased joy but now I realize there is also increased pain. I wouldn't have a hard heart no matter what, this is just the reality of our God given emotions and heart!

As I ponder my heart, it makes me think of God's heart toward us. He created Adam and Eve to live in fellowship, in deep communion face to face that would not have an end. However with the fall, they and now we choose to live apart from Him. I know the thought of being without Snicker's presence brought on fear and loneliness. How must God's heart be, knowing we are separated without Christ from Him? Of course He has complete fellowship within the trinity, just as I have fellowship within my family, BUT still something/someone is missing. How gracious of Him to send Jesus to ransom, redeem and restore our relationship to Him. He gave us a heart to desire worship of Him, but how many will truly respond to the yearnings of the heart to be filled by Him and not humanly fill it with religion, addictions, busyness or just totally dismiss the longing and live half hearted? Praise God for His wooing us and working in, through and around us to open our eyes to Him. But are we willing to surrender, to come near just based on who He is and not what we can get? What a risk He takes to desire to love us and be loved in return. Even once we repent and believe in Jesus atonement, do we fully seek Him, desire Him, just enjoy Him and trust Him for LIFE? (John 5:40, 10:10,17:3, 26)

The flip side of my loss is the having to experience death. This is hard for the heart because it was made for eternity, not death and separation. This is the fruit of not trusting God's word. This pain I feel is one of the side effects of the fall. Why was it "easy" for Adam and Eve to seemingly choose this pain over LIFE? Well, because they had no clue what death was, so it was easy to dismiss God's warning to them that that would result if they didn't listen only to Him. How many times might God lead me to something that I don't fully understand because I haven't experienced it before or cant' see how it will work out with my finite mind? I realize I do the same as Adam and Eve, I doubt, circle in my head with rationalism or just dismiss His leading. I am not above my forefathers! Oh my limited heart that just will not surrender fully to Him in trust, knowing His ways are higher than my ways and that He truly is the path of life from the joy of His presence (Ps. 16:11). I want to know Him more that my trust might increase, that I might delight in Him alone and reap the blessings of obedience--taking Him at His word without doubt. I have been so blessed when I've stepped out based on His leading especially when I didn't have full understanding because it really was Him going before me and the dependence upon Him allowed me to rest, trust and love Him more.

It does help me to know Jesus was troubled when He was faced with His own death, even knowing He would be resurrected and ascended into heaven. He knew He would be taking the sins of the world upon Himself which would remove Him from His Father's presence. This separation was overwhelming to Him and He asked for the cup to be taken from Him, yet He surrendered to God's will and not His own (Mark 14:36). Death is not of the kingdom of God and yet its a very present reality in the fallen world. Yet, I grieve and live not as someone without hope---death has been destroyed and we have victory over the grave through Christ (I Cor. 15:26, 56-57)

I'm still feeling the sting of death but I know my redeemer lives and in Him is all the peace, joy, comfort and life that this grieving heart was created to enjoy. I also long for Him,

knowing His heart grieves when His children remain far off and don't draw near (Heb. 10:22-23)